Changed for Good...

I selected that phrase as the title of my blog because of my mother. Last week she should have celebrated her wedding anniversary with my father. Next month she should be celebrating her 66th birthday. But will do neither here on this earth because of Cancer. I used to be mad at her because I knew that she knew her body and by the time she decided to go to the doctor and have tests, her body was being devoured by Cancer. I used to be mad at God for letting her get Cancer. But I have come to realize that God and mom had a plan all along. There plan was to change me to a better person. Better mother, wife, friend. In a better place in my life to help others, to do the right thing for the right reasons, not for "show." To lead me back to God. I know he never left me, but I surely was ignoring Him.

I treasure the many many years my mother and I would watch the Wizard of Oz together, even as an adult. And, I was thrilled with the book Wicked and then the Play, and the CD. When mom  got sick and we knew that it was not God's plan to keep her here, we prayed for Him to take her quickly. I kinda felt guilty about that, but one day listening to my Wicked CD, these lyrics made me feel ok with my decision.

It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend...

She wasn't just my mom, she was my best friend as well. I didn't want her to suffer. I didn't want her to leave. But I realized that she would forever be with me because she is that handprint on my heart.




I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you...

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend...

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you

Because I knew you
I have been changed for good
And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the things I've done you blame me for
But then, I guess we know
There's blame to share
And none of it seems to matter anymore


Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood

Who can say if I've been
Changed for the better?
I do believe I have been
Changed for the better

And because I knew you...
Because I knew you...
Because I knew you...
I have been changed for good...