That has been the topic of my daily devotion for 4 days.Saturday a BBQ customer asked about CRASH. I couldn't remember all of the letters so I called Justin over and he told the story about the Rhino and their ability to only see 30 feet in front of them and the ability to hit top speed of 30 or 35 miles an hour. Choices Relationships Adventure Salvation Hope. Sunday our sermon is on what we are suppose to do for God. I start reading my lesson for next Sunday and it is about being a servant of God. Moses being told he was the one to lead his people out of Egypt. Strange how the Lord talks to us.
I know now more than ever that I am being called to Africa. Don't know how I'm going to pay my way but I have faith that if God is calling me to go, He will get me there. I know this because of the Relationship I have with my Father. It's me making the Choice to listen to what God is telling me and to obey. As Christians we are to love, worship, and tell the world about Jesus. Tell the world....I'm up for an Adventure to Kenya. If God can love me and all of my imperfections, there is Hope for everyone. Salvation is a gift waiting for everyone! What a better story to want to share.
I keep getting stuck on the Why(s) and How(s). Why me? Why Africa? How am I to pay for this? How can I teach anyone else anything about God?
Then today I was reminded of the answer. When Moses asked "Who am I that I should go..." The Lord answered " I will certainly be with you." Later He tells Moses to tell them "I AM WHO I AM. This is what you are to say.....I AM has sent me to you."(Exodus 3:11-14) Well - there you have it. I am to go to Africa and tell whoever I see that the great I AM has sent me. And what has he sent me for? To Worship, tell the world about Jesus, and LOVE God and each other.
How simple is that! What a GREAT last couple of days I have had. I love that God is speaking to me thru everyone I know. Reminding me that if I have faith in HIM, everything is possible!
Live Simply, Love Generously, Care Deeply, Speak Kindly, Leave the rest to God...Have a good week ya'll!
Monday, October 31, 2011
Saturday, October 22, 2011
My Romans 8:28 Story
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28 NIV
We were challenged this week to pray about and share our Romans 8:28 story. Something that we went thru thinking, "how can God make any good from this situation." My story has to be my mother's story of battling cancer.
On September 11, 2006 my mother was diagnosed with Stage 4 Colon cancer with mets to the liver, spine, lung, and possibly brain. The oncologist didn't see any further need for more PET or MRI scans. He sat there and told my mother and I that with chemo treatments he could possibly giver her a few months longer than she would have without it, but that there was no medicine to heal her. She had surgery the year before to remove a tumor from her colon and the margins were all clear after surgery. She never followed up with a PET scan or any other scan. They were sure they got it all. Mom never really fully recovered from that surgery. My mother was up by 6:00am all my life and never went to bed until 11:00pm every night. She cooked a full breakfast for her family, worked in the operating room all day, came home and cooked dinner, washed clothes, helped with homework, and spent time everyday at her sewing machine. In late 2005 she was taking naps and going to bed right after work (which was now a desk job). She was an RN and smart woman. I am now convinced that she knew the cancer was never gone, but she also knew she had to prepare us for life without her soon. She decided in August 2006 that it was time to hear someone tell her what she already knew in her heart - that she was dying.
In my family I have always been the emotional one and the worrier. So my family decided not to tell me that my mother had Stage 4 Cancer because they just knew that it might be the end of me. My mother, even though we argued often (we are too much alike) was my best friend. I could tell in her voice everyday that there was something not right. I finally left my office one day and confronted her sister, who told me the truth. Well, I fell apart right there in my Aunt Jeannette's office. Fall to my knees, uncontrollable sobbing. I have no idea how long I cried on that floor, but I do know that they had to shut two office doors because I could be heard down the hall.
Now I had to confront my mother. When I told her that I knew I did cry, but just the tears running down the face kind without the snubbing. I told her that I would honor all of her wishes for treatment or no treatment and that I wanted to be the one to take care of her. That I was strong enough to do it, that I would not fall apart or run away.
Over the next 3 months I took mom to her chemo appointments and helped her on the weekends. I also went to a Bible Study at Ebenezer Baptist Church on Grief and Loss. Yes, I know my mother was still alive, but knew what was ahead and I had to figure out why God was letting my mother slowly fade away from us. By Christmas mom was yellow from the liver damage but still able to get up Christmas morning with us all there. It was a bittersweet day, because we all knew that it would be our last Christmas with mom here on earth. New Years came and went and mom was no better, but no worse. The chemo was taking more of a toll each treatment. Can remember what day it was in January but mom actually asked me if I knew anyone that could get her some marijuana. She said non of the anti nausea were working and she had heard that marijuana helped some people. So yes, I found my mother some pot. I knew it wouldn't kill her and if it made her feel a little better, good! Those were some funny days. I would call her from work to check on her and she would say she really didn't feel "funny" but she sure was hungry. I just laughed and took her whatever it was she had a taste for.
February 13, 2007. Mom had, what we found out later to be, her last doctor's appointment. She had decided to stop chemo, went by the bank to make sure all the loans were paid off and that my name was on her checking account, then she set off to the funeral home to pick out her own casket and plan her own funeral. She came home, sat us all down and told us what she had done. She was always the one that took care of everything in our family and this was her last (we thought) gesture as the matriarch of the family. Later we found out that she had gone thru the house and video taped EVERYTHING she owned and explained who got what and why. All we could do is watch, cry, and laugh.
February 27th was a Tuesday that year. I had been working from my mom's house for two weeks (thank God for ACS Technologies). I would go home and eat dinner with my boys, tuck Caleb in and then go back to mom's and sleep with her to make sure she didn't need anything during the night. We had oxygen for her when she needed it and although we had a bed side potty, she refused. We would get up and make the trek to the bathroom every time. The night before my sister convinced me take a break and go workout with her at the YMCA and sleep in my own bed that night. She said she was there and would call me if anything happened. When I got there the next morning my mom and dad were arguing in her bathroom. I walked in and mom was digging blood clots out of her mouth at the sink and yelling at my dad to go to work, "I'm fine, Richard!" I wish you could here her say his name....too funny!
Got mom cleaned up and back in the bed. I had to change the towel under her face often because of the amount of blood she was leaking. She wasn't coughing up blood, just leaking out of her mouth. I called her two power of attorney(s). Yes she had appointed two friends so no one in the family would have to make the decision about life support. She didn't want it and thought we would be too emotional and want her on it. They came to visit and suggested I call Hospice to come check her. That afternoon mom and I had a great talk. She wasn't scared. She was ready to go to Heaven. She wanted us to be strong and she said she would be with us always. By the time the hospice nurse got there things were bad. Mom was crawling around on the bed on her hands and knees, she wouldn't be still. We kept having to change her because of all the blood. She wouldn't take any pain medicine or anything to help calm her down. She kept telling us that this was something she had to do. We were all there, the family praying out loud for God to go ahead and take her home. Take her out of this pain and misery she physically in. She finally calmed down and laid down on her left side and told us she was going to get on the train now.
I was physically and mentally whipped. I walked out of the room to go get some air on the back porch. The nurse was there to get me only after a few minutes. When I got back to the room mom was lying, still. I crawled in the bed with her and told her it was OK. That we were all there and loved her and that it was OK for her to leave us. She gasped for a breath and said, "they're gonna let me in." She was gone...
I laid there with her for an hour. Hugging her and praying to God for him to take all the strength that she had had all her life and give it to me. They made me get up so they could clean her body up and take her away. I slept in her bed that night and it was the best sleep I had had in weeks.
I spent a long time after that being mad at God. Why my mother? Why didn't you fix her? What am I suppose to do now?
God showed me, in the summer of 2009, the answer to my why and how He worked good from my mother's death. My mom was done with what she was on this earth for. She had raised her children to be strong independent adults and seen her grandchildren born. She had given all of her love and wanted nothing in return. She had taught us all of the lessons a mom needs to teach a child. I went thru the chemo and last days of her life with her to become stronger and to have that knowledge when my friend Brooke was diagnosed with two brain tumors. I now try not to take things for granted as much and live my life with no regrets. I know that I will see mom again one day in Heaven and know that she is there with me when I need her now. I know how much more important it is to strengthen my relationship with God. I know I have to avoid the things and people that get in the way of that. Because I know He let her in, and she is there waiting on me.
We were challenged this week to pray about and share our Romans 8:28 story. Something that we went thru thinking, "how can God make any good from this situation." My story has to be my mother's story of battling cancer.
On September 11, 2006 my mother was diagnosed with Stage 4 Colon cancer with mets to the liver, spine, lung, and possibly brain. The oncologist didn't see any further need for more PET or MRI scans. He sat there and told my mother and I that with chemo treatments he could possibly giver her a few months longer than she would have without it, but that there was no medicine to heal her. She had surgery the year before to remove a tumor from her colon and the margins were all clear after surgery. She never followed up with a PET scan or any other scan. They were sure they got it all. Mom never really fully recovered from that surgery. My mother was up by 6:00am all my life and never went to bed until 11:00pm every night. She cooked a full breakfast for her family, worked in the operating room all day, came home and cooked dinner, washed clothes, helped with homework, and spent time everyday at her sewing machine. In late 2005 she was taking naps and going to bed right after work (which was now a desk job). She was an RN and smart woman. I am now convinced that she knew the cancer was never gone, but she also knew she had to prepare us for life without her soon. She decided in August 2006 that it was time to hear someone tell her what she already knew in her heart - that she was dying.
In my family I have always been the emotional one and the worrier. So my family decided not to tell me that my mother had Stage 4 Cancer because they just knew that it might be the end of me. My mother, even though we argued often (we are too much alike) was my best friend. I could tell in her voice everyday that there was something not right. I finally left my office one day and confronted her sister, who told me the truth. Well, I fell apart right there in my Aunt Jeannette's office. Fall to my knees, uncontrollable sobbing. I have no idea how long I cried on that floor, but I do know that they had to shut two office doors because I could be heard down the hall.
Now I had to confront my mother. When I told her that I knew I did cry, but just the tears running down the face kind without the snubbing. I told her that I would honor all of her wishes for treatment or no treatment and that I wanted to be the one to take care of her. That I was strong enough to do it, that I would not fall apart or run away.
Over the next 3 months I took mom to her chemo appointments and helped her on the weekends. I also went to a Bible Study at Ebenezer Baptist Church on Grief and Loss. Yes, I know my mother was still alive, but knew what was ahead and I had to figure out why God was letting my mother slowly fade away from us. By Christmas mom was yellow from the liver damage but still able to get up Christmas morning with us all there. It was a bittersweet day, because we all knew that it would be our last Christmas with mom here on earth. New Years came and went and mom was no better, but no worse. The chemo was taking more of a toll each treatment. Can remember what day it was in January but mom actually asked me if I knew anyone that could get her some marijuana. She said non of the anti nausea were working and she had heard that marijuana helped some people. So yes, I found my mother some pot. I knew it wouldn't kill her and if it made her feel a little better, good! Those were some funny days. I would call her from work to check on her and she would say she really didn't feel "funny" but she sure was hungry. I just laughed and took her whatever it was she had a taste for.
February 13, 2007. Mom had, what we found out later to be, her last doctor's appointment. She had decided to stop chemo, went by the bank to make sure all the loans were paid off and that my name was on her checking account, then she set off to the funeral home to pick out her own casket and plan her own funeral. She came home, sat us all down and told us what she had done. She was always the one that took care of everything in our family and this was her last (we thought) gesture as the matriarch of the family. Later we found out that she had gone thru the house and video taped EVERYTHING she owned and explained who got what and why. All we could do is watch, cry, and laugh.
February 27th was a Tuesday that year. I had been working from my mom's house for two weeks (thank God for ACS Technologies). I would go home and eat dinner with my boys, tuck Caleb in and then go back to mom's and sleep with her to make sure she didn't need anything during the night. We had oxygen for her when she needed it and although we had a bed side potty, she refused. We would get up and make the trek to the bathroom every time. The night before my sister convinced me take a break and go workout with her at the YMCA and sleep in my own bed that night. She said she was there and would call me if anything happened. When I got there the next morning my mom and dad were arguing in her bathroom. I walked in and mom was digging blood clots out of her mouth at the sink and yelling at my dad to go to work, "I'm fine, Richard!" I wish you could here her say his name....too funny!
Got mom cleaned up and back in the bed. I had to change the towel under her face often because of the amount of blood she was leaking. She wasn't coughing up blood, just leaking out of her mouth. I called her two power of attorney(s). Yes she had appointed two friends so no one in the family would have to make the decision about life support. She didn't want it and thought we would be too emotional and want her on it. They came to visit and suggested I call Hospice to come check her. That afternoon mom and I had a great talk. She wasn't scared. She was ready to go to Heaven. She wanted us to be strong and she said she would be with us always. By the time the hospice nurse got there things were bad. Mom was crawling around on the bed on her hands and knees, she wouldn't be still. We kept having to change her because of all the blood. She wouldn't take any pain medicine or anything to help calm her down. She kept telling us that this was something she had to do. We were all there, the family praying out loud for God to go ahead and take her home. Take her out of this pain and misery she physically in. She finally calmed down and laid down on her left side and told us she was going to get on the train now.
I was physically and mentally whipped. I walked out of the room to go get some air on the back porch. The nurse was there to get me only after a few minutes. When I got back to the room mom was lying, still. I crawled in the bed with her and told her it was OK. That we were all there and loved her and that it was OK for her to leave us. She gasped for a breath and said, "they're gonna let me in." She was gone...
I laid there with her for an hour. Hugging her and praying to God for him to take all the strength that she had had all her life and give it to me. They made me get up so they could clean her body up and take her away. I slept in her bed that night and it was the best sleep I had had in weeks.
I spent a long time after that being mad at God. Why my mother? Why didn't you fix her? What am I suppose to do now?
God showed me, in the summer of 2009, the answer to my why and how He worked good from my mother's death. My mom was done with what she was on this earth for. She had raised her children to be strong independent adults and seen her grandchildren born. She had given all of her love and wanted nothing in return. She had taught us all of the lessons a mom needs to teach a child. I went thru the chemo and last days of her life with her to become stronger and to have that knowledge when my friend Brooke was diagnosed with two brain tumors. I now try not to take things for granted as much and live my life with no regrets. I know that I will see mom again one day in Heaven and know that she is there with me when I need her now. I know how much more important it is to strengthen my relationship with God. I know I have to avoid the things and people that get in the way of that. Because I know He let her in, and she is there waiting on me.
Monday, October 10, 2011
Beloved Beauties
I have been in and out of church for years. All during that time I have been told that I just have a need to belong to something. That I wasn't seeking God or a religion, I just needed to belong to a group.
Tonight I realized that both are true. I strive to have a closer relationship with God daily. And I, personally, need one to help grow the other. And it is OK to want to belong to a group of like minded people. God wants us to fellowship and worship with our church family.
Tonight I realized how thankful I am for the Beloved Beauties. A group of women from different walks of life, different ages, different places. But we are all seeking the same thing. A closer relationship with God. But to me, the most important thing is listening to others share. Realizing I'm not the only one that has doubts, worries, anger, self pity, guilt. These women help remind me that God loves me DESPITE all of my short comings.
I posted on Facebook yesterday: If you woke up today with only the things you thanked God for yesterday, what would you have? Tonight I am reminded to thank God for these women daily! Not only for their prayers but just for the accepting me for who I am and reminding me that God loves me for who I am as well.
So I am glad I have a need to belong to a group. I am glad that Tory Brown pointed me in the direction of the Beloved Beauties. And I thank God for each and every Beauty in the group.
Tonight I realized that both are true. I strive to have a closer relationship with God daily. And I, personally, need one to help grow the other. And it is OK to want to belong to a group of like minded people. God wants us to fellowship and worship with our church family.
Tonight I realized how thankful I am for the Beloved Beauties. A group of women from different walks of life, different ages, different places. But we are all seeking the same thing. A closer relationship with God. But to me, the most important thing is listening to others share. Realizing I'm not the only one that has doubts, worries, anger, self pity, guilt. These women help remind me that God loves me DESPITE all of my short comings.
I posted on Facebook yesterday: If you woke up today with only the things you thanked God for yesterday, what would you have? Tonight I am reminded to thank God for these women daily! Not only for their prayers but just for the accepting me for who I am and reminding me that God loves me for who I am as well.
So I am glad I have a need to belong to a group. I am glad that Tory Brown pointed me in the direction of the Beloved Beauties. And I thank God for each and every Beauty in the group.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Preparing My Heart
Lately God has been laying on my heart to ask forgiveness from people I may have wronged in some way. I have felt like He is preparing my heart for something.
This was in my devotion today...Once you know that your heart is right before God, you must be willing to face your fear and seize the moment. When your're in a moment that has the potential to alter your future, trust God, step out in faith and move forward. Don't let your dream die inside you because of the risk involved. With God, risk is the bridge that gets you to where He wants you to be.
Tonight at church we were asked to pray for a young girl going to live in southern Mexico for a couple of years. Justin said she would be the "bridge" that brings God to the people there.
Risk the bridge...so that He gets you where He wants you...
I found out tonight that CRASH will be going to Kenya and Chicago the summer of 2012. I really feel like God is calling me to one of these trips. I wake up at night with Kenya on my mind. I visit the mattaw village site often. I have been making prayer bracelets so others will be reminded to pray for Kenya. We are making cotton dish rags to sell to raise money for Kenya...
Lord, are you leading me to Kenya? To tell a child that they are a prince/princess of God. That God loves them so much that His son died for our sin debt. That they are special and God knew before they were born, that we would meet them and share His love with them.
Friends....pray for Mattaw Village. Pray for Kenya
This was in my devotion today...Once you know that your heart is right before God, you must be willing to face your fear and seize the moment. When your're in a moment that has the potential to alter your future, trust God, step out in faith and move forward. Don't let your dream die inside you because of the risk involved. With God, risk is the bridge that gets you to where He wants you to be.
Tonight at church we were asked to pray for a young girl going to live in southern Mexico for a couple of years. Justin said she would be the "bridge" that brings God to the people there.
Risk the bridge...so that He gets you where He wants you...
I found out tonight that CRASH will be going to Kenya and Chicago the summer of 2012. I really feel like God is calling me to one of these trips. I wake up at night with Kenya on my mind. I visit the mattaw village site often. I have been making prayer bracelets so others will be reminded to pray for Kenya. We are making cotton dish rags to sell to raise money for Kenya...
Lord, are you leading me to Kenya? To tell a child that they are a prince/princess of God. That God loves them so much that His son died for our sin debt. That they are special and God knew before they were born, that we would meet them and share His love with them.
Friends....pray for Mattaw Village. Pray for Kenya
Monday, October 3, 2011
Blessed
I am BLESSED with the dearest, christian friends. And they put up with me and encourage me on a daily basis. They always have an ear to listen and often have a word to encourage or lead me to God's word for a lesson. I have been worrying, even complaining about God not working on an issue in my life the way "I" wanted him to. I kept praying for God to fix it, heal it, take care of it. Oh yeah, and do it NOW, please.
Gerri told me something last week that finally sunk in. She said maybe I needed to change the way I was praying about the situation. So, I started praying for the Lord to show ME how I could help the situation. What could I do to make a difference. How could He use me to fix it. My new plan of prayer started Wednesday night.
Friday night after our Homecoming football game, Caleb and I watched Facing the Giants. God showed me thru this movie a way to help.
Saturday morning, we all got up and spent the day together working around the house and yards as a family. All 5 of us. It was a good day.
I seem to get carried away and forget that God is in control. I say I believe in him, but do I live it out in EVERYTHING I do - no! God can't work thru me if others can't see God in me. That was re-emphasized during Courageous yesterday afternoon. And again, we got things painted, moved, shampooed - as a family.
I am BLESSED. And I am glad I stepped back to see it. I praise God for my blessings! I pray that He will continue to work in me so others see Him "poking out" of me.
Gerri told me something last week that finally sunk in. She said maybe I needed to change the way I was praying about the situation. So, I started praying for the Lord to show ME how I could help the situation. What could I do to make a difference. How could He use me to fix it. My new plan of prayer started Wednesday night.
Friday night after our Homecoming football game, Caleb and I watched Facing the Giants. God showed me thru this movie a way to help.
Saturday morning, we all got up and spent the day together working around the house and yards as a family. All 5 of us. It was a good day.
I seem to get carried away and forget that God is in control. I say I believe in him, but do I live it out in EVERYTHING I do - no! God can't work thru me if others can't see God in me. That was re-emphasized during Courageous yesterday afternoon. And again, we got things painted, moved, shampooed - as a family.
I am BLESSED. And I am glad I stepped back to see it. I praise God for my blessings! I pray that He will continue to work in me so others see Him "poking out" of me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)