My Romans 8:28 Story

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28 NIV


We were challenged this week to pray about and share our Romans 8:28 story. Something that we went thru thinking,  "how can God make any good from this situation." My story has to be my mother's story of battling cancer.


On September 11, 2006 my mother was diagnosed with Stage 4 Colon cancer with mets to the liver, spine, lung, and possibly brain. The oncologist didn't see any further need for more PET or MRI scans. He sat there and told my mother and I that with chemo treatments he could possibly giver her a few months longer than she would have without it, but that there was no medicine to heal her. She had surgery the year before to remove a tumor from her colon and the margins were all clear after surgery. She never followed up with a PET scan or any other scan. They were sure they got it all. Mom never really fully recovered from that surgery. My mother was up by 6:00am all my life and never went to bed until 11:00pm every night. She cooked a full breakfast for her family, worked in the operating room all day, came home and cooked dinner, washed clothes, helped with homework, and spent time everyday at her sewing machine. In late 2005 she was taking naps and going to bed right after work (which was now a desk job). She was an RN and smart woman. I am now convinced that she knew the cancer was never gone, but she also knew she had to prepare us for life without her soon. She decided in August 2006 that it was time to hear someone tell her what she already knew in her heart - that she was dying.


In my family I have always been the emotional one and the worrier. So my family decided not to tell me that my mother had Stage 4 Cancer because they just knew that it might be the end of me. My mother, even though we argued often (we are too much alike) was my best friend. I could tell in her voice everyday that there was something not right. I finally left my office one day and confronted her sister, who told me the truth. Well, I fell apart right there in my Aunt Jeannette's office. Fall to my knees, uncontrollable sobbing. I have no idea how long I cried on that floor, but I do know that they had to shut two office doors because I could be heard down the hall.


Now I had to confront my mother. When I told her that I knew I did cry, but just the tears running down the face kind without the snubbing. I told her that I would honor all of her wishes for treatment or no treatment and that I wanted to be the one to take care of her. That I was strong enough to do it, that I would not fall apart or run away.


Over the next 3 months I took mom to her chemo appointments and helped her on the weekends. I also went to a Bible Study at Ebenezer Baptist Church on Grief and Loss. Yes, I know my mother was still alive, but knew what was ahead and I had to figure out why God was letting my mother slowly fade away from us.  By Christmas mom was yellow from the liver damage but still able to get up Christmas morning with us all there. It was a bittersweet day, because we all knew that it would be our last Christmas with mom here on earth. New Years came and went and mom was no better, but no worse. The chemo was taking more of a toll each treatment. Can remember what day it was in January but mom actually asked me if I knew anyone that could get her some marijuana. She said non of the anti nausea were working and she had heard that marijuana helped some people. So yes, I found my mother some pot. I knew it wouldn't kill her and if it made her feel a little better, good! Those were some funny days. I would call her from work to check on her and she would say she really didn't feel "funny" but she sure was hungry. I just laughed and took her whatever it was she had a taste for.


February 13, 2007. Mom had, what we found out later to be, her last doctor's appointment. She had decided to stop chemo, went by the bank to make sure all the loans were paid off and that my name was on her checking account, then she set off to the funeral home to pick out her own casket and plan her own funeral. She came home, sat us all down and told us what she had done. She was always the one that took care of everything in our family and this was her last (we thought) gesture as the matriarch of the family. Later we found out that she had gone thru the house and video taped EVERYTHING she owned and explained who got what and why. All we could do is watch, cry, and laugh.


February 27th was a Tuesday that year. I had been working from my mom's house for two weeks (thank God for ACS Technologies). I would go home and eat dinner with my boys, tuck Caleb in and then go back to mom's and sleep with her to make sure she didn't need anything during the night. We had oxygen for her when she needed it and although we had a bed side potty, she refused. We would get up and make the trek to the bathroom every time. The night before my sister convinced me take a break and go workout with her at the YMCA and sleep in my own bed that night. She said she was there and would call me if anything happened. When I got there the next morning my mom and dad were arguing in her bathroom. I walked in and mom was digging blood clots out of her mouth at the sink and yelling at my dad to go to work, "I'm fine, Richard!" I wish you could here her say his name....too funny! 


Got mom cleaned up and back in the bed. I had to change the towel under her face often because of the amount of blood she was leaking. She wasn't coughing up blood, just leaking out of her mouth. I called her two power of attorney(s). Yes she had appointed two friends so no one in the family would have to make the decision about life support. She didn't want it and thought we would be too emotional and want her on it. They came to visit and suggested I call Hospice to come check her. That afternoon mom and I had a great talk. She wasn't scared. She was ready to go to Heaven. She wanted us to be strong and she said she would be with us always. By the time the hospice nurse got there things were bad. Mom was crawling around on the bed on her hands and knees, she wouldn't be still. We kept having to change her because of all the blood. She wouldn't take any pain medicine or anything to help calm her down. She kept telling us that this was something she had to do. We were all there, the family praying out loud for God to go ahead and take her home. Take her out of this pain and misery she physically in. She finally calmed down and laid down on her left side and told us she was going to get on the train now.


I was physically and mentally whipped. I walked out of the room to go get some air on the back porch. The nurse was there to get me only after a few minutes. When I got back to the room mom was lying, still. I crawled in the bed with her and told her it was OK. That we were all there and loved her and that it was OK for her to leave us. She gasped for a breath and said, "they're gonna let me in."  She was gone...


I laid there with her for an hour. Hugging her and praying to God for him to take all the strength that she had had all her life and give it to me. They made me get up so they could clean her body up and take her away. I slept in her bed that night and it was the best sleep I had had in weeks.


I spent a long time after that being mad at God. Why my mother? Why didn't you fix her? What am I suppose to do now?


God showed me, in the summer of 2009, the answer to my why and how He worked good from my mother's death. My mom was done with what she was on this earth for. She had raised her children to be strong independent adults and seen her grandchildren born. She had given all of her love and wanted nothing in return. She had taught us all of the lessons a mom needs to teach a child. I went thru the chemo and last days of her life with her to become stronger and to have that knowledge when my friend Brooke was diagnosed with two brain tumors. I now try not to take things for granted as much and live my life with no regrets. I know that I will see mom again one day in Heaven and know that she is there with me when I need her now. I know how much more important it is to strengthen my relationship with God. I know I have to avoid the things and people that get in the way of that. Because I know He let her in, and she is there waiting on me.